I think I’m Jealous of Your Girlfriend…

although I’m just a girl that is your friend.

So I’ve had this really close guy friend for a while; we used to make music together and chill and talk about love and life and everything and just hang; it was awesome! I had finally found someone whom i could talk to about anything; I think he WAS interested in me at some point; but I didn’t really reciprocate; he is a fine specimen of a man; but for some odd reason I’m just not into him like that…(I was probably his mother in another life…LOL)

So he has a girlfriend now, and because he is happy. I AM HAPPY for him! They are very good together and I like her, she’s beautiful, she’s humble she’s talented she’s a free spirit. I know that’s hard to beleive that I could like her; but I’m not really the jealous type; I went to an all girls school that was really nurturing and fun there wasn’t a lot of cattiness so i don’t really get it in “real life” when women are catty towards each other I believe we should stick together…

anyways…

I just can’t help but feel that I no longer exist to him; well when she’s around that is. When she’s not there; it’s very close to the feelings of old times; he’s nice to me asks me how my day was smiles looks me in the eye…it’s all good. But when she’s there; most times it’s like he barely acknowledges my presence; it’s like a quicky dry hello; more of a “get-the-hell-out-of-here-can’t-your-single -ass-see-me-and-my-woman-are-having-a-candle-lit-dinner? GET!

I didn’t know how to react to this or whether or not I was overreacting. So i just did what i normally do; i just pulled back a little bit and didn’t talk to him as much and just acted kinda dry back…but that felt awful; he’s my boy I love him and I don’t want to hate on him or scale back my personality or be all silent treatmenty.

So what do I do? If i talk to him about it; it’s going to seem like I’m jealous no? Though it may be hard to believe; I’m REALLY NOT interested in him; he’s my boy; he’s like my brother/uncle. But you know what it’s like; the minute any words like that leave my mouth; he’s going to get defensive and think i don’t like her. I DO…i’m always helping her whenever I can, she’s a sweet heart. I just don’t know how to deal with this. Maybe I should just accept that my friend is lost to me forever (or for the forseeable future?)

You see not only were we buddies but we made music together too (lol that sounds so dirty) but we did and it was awesome; and now he does that pretty much only with her too.  (in his defense I did leave the country for 6 months) But I guess it’s just hard to accept as well; that the parts of himself that he used to share with me he has reserved ONLY for her. It’s kinda like how when you’re married you’re not allowed to have a close friend of the opposite sex.

And this is not only a guy thing; one of my best girlfriend’s also does the same thing whenever she has a new man. But I DO have other girlfriends; some of whom are married who are totally the opposite they make you feel special and like their friend EVEN if they have a significant other in their life and EVEN if that significant other is RIGHT THERE.

I swear…I’m not a needy person; lol….it soooo sounds like it but i’m not. When I’m in a relationship i still make time for my friends and make sure that “all the single ladies” still feel my love.

That’s my rant. What should I do?

I think I’m going to end up not saying anything; and explaining it to him all in about a decade.

K-Mama

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~ by doyouboo on June 25, 2010.

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