Learning to let go (Part II)

Letting go. What does that truly mean? It’s definitely an “action statement” but because everyones situation varies, so does the course of action, when you are actually ready to … LET GO.

Why don’t we use an example, I don’t know if anyone has been in this position, but let’s say you meet a very attractive guy, who, after getting to know him, turns out to be amazing. Nothing that you ever expected, you two have so much chemistry an entire university term could not cover the complexity.

You get to know this guy over a period of months, and you find yourself falling in love with every part of his character. Unfortunately, to your dismay you two stop talking for a long time, you put him out of your thoughts, and just when you think your over him, the law of attraction tells you other wise.

Let me take ownership of this example.

I had not seen or talked to this guy for 5 months, then one day I bump into him at a club, I didn’t know how to act, it was mixed emotions. I was angry, frustrated, sad, and happy. To my defense I brushed him of that night, and every night after that I regret that move.

We finally met up, made up, only to make out, and there i went falling in love with this guy all over again. But it felt so good, being back in his arms, sharing kisses and laughs. It was all good until I found out he had a girlfriend, but that didn’t change the way I felt about him, and it didn’t change the way he treated me.

I know, I’m foolish for continuing on with him, he didn’t give me’ any indication of breaking up with his girl, he would just tell me’ he loved me and he didn’t love her. And so that’s the thread I decided to hold on to. And let me tell you, I held on pretty damn tight, right up until he told me his girl was going to have his baby. You’d think that would be enough to let go, I did slip a little, but I continued to grip onto denial, hoping the news would change.

I held on right throughout the pregnancy, right throughout the contractions, right up until their child entered this world. I held on for months after that, and he let me.

I decided to let go about 3 months ago, when he told me he had moved in with “his baby’s mama” that’s when it hit me, and I cried. I realized I gave myself to him for a year and a half, thinking that something would come of it, believing i was doing the right thing … after all he loved me. And love hopes all things, believes all things, love never fails …

I had to let it go. Even though it took a while to realize, I was worth more than that, I needed to direct my energy to something self fulfilling, something worth it. So I slowly stopped replying to his texts, I stopped reading the emails and letters, I stopped talking about him, when he popped into my head, I diverted my thoughts to something positive. I let him go, I repeatedly told myself I was worth more, and if any one lost, it was him.

I burned that last piece of thread, and i have nothing left to hold on to. And I’m happy.

I let go.

~ by doyouboo on September 9, 2010.

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