I know why the caged bird sings…

 

So I am a singer. I am a young woman who has always been confident, and headstrong. but for some reason as the years roll by i become less and less sure of myself and more accomodating to the needs of others. WTF is wrong with me? I don’t understand this, I keep flip flopping left and right to the needs of others, i no longer listen to the beat of the drum of my own heart. I’m almost frightened that its already july you know, i feel like, what have i really acoomplished. I need to relax though and understand that I’ve come so far. this is how i usually start out my day though, looking over my shoulder and reminding myself that I’ve come far.

 

I recently moved out from an apartment with a crazy german lady who wouldn’t let me cook amongst other things, I was quite scarred by that experience, everything I did upset her and so I found myself in every second of every day making decisions that made HER happy instead of me and now it`s become habit :S

 

I really need to break out of this cycle but how? You know what my dream is? I want to become like the female Jigga, in my own way i want to start my own record company and do it all myself. well i want to have a team but a team that I AM the head of. I recently saw beyonce making this bold move, it was scary for HER with millions in her bank account. but I can still feel like i have those millions. OK so I can`t sell crack like Jigga did. But I just believe in myself. I think this is where my flippy-floppedness comes from. My inner being and soul is on board with what I want, but my earthling self is living in ‘REALITY’ and really, what has ‘reality’ ever done for anyone.

 

OK. It’s a crazy idea. but it`s possible. I want to record my album in toronto and south africa and germany and paris, then i want to generate some buzz (although buzz can be generated at any point along the journey) then I want to be distributed by island records.

I wish i could be hit with the i don’t care stick.

SLAP.

It’s been done. I have to learn to live with fear. and from this moment on I decide that. Even when i spend these days I just spend freely. Whether I ‘have’ the money or not. The next step for me is really not caring what people think about me.

Once I accomplish that, i can really take over the world.

Anyways so this cage bird has now defined what she wants. no more giving in to other people’s desires.

Time to be a fierce feline (more on his later…)

~ by doyouboo on July 17, 2011.

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