I wasn’t ready to let go.

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Timing is everything. I met him at the wrong time, but it felt so right, I was just getting over a heart break, and I was finally doing me, when I met him. He was so not my type, but I decided to step outside of my box, try something different. It was great, it felt so right, our conversations were packed with jokes and debates, when we hung out there was never a dull moment, when I talked about him to my friends, they could see and hear my joy. It wasn’t the right time, but I didn’t want to wait another minute, not when I had someone this good by my side.

As time went by, things between us started to fizzle out. All the great things he used to do became things that he didn’t like to do. All the sweet things he used to say, became sweet things he was tired of saying. All the time he spent with me and talking to me, became time that he wanted to spend with friends, playing games, and taking other girls out. As time went by I felt more and more lonely, less and less cared for. As time went by truth was revealed, and he was becoming, no he was not becoming anything, I was seeing who he really was.

Yes, I broke up with him after he lied to me about where he was and who he was with, but his apology was so convincing and I took him back. But the next couple of weeks were full of arguments and bitterness. But I kept holding on, until one day I told him we were falling apart, and it was time to let go. Of course I wanted him to tell me it could work, that we could make it. But he didn’t, he let me walk, and when I tried to come back, he said “I need time.”

Now this was my time. I was ready to try and make this work. And he needed time to think. Why wasn’t I strong enough in the beginning to say the same to him. I thought he was worth it, he didn’t think I was worth it.

Now I’m here thinking about him, wishing it was different. But it’s time to move on. It’s time to let go. It’s time to do me. And only when I am ready will I find the time to date again.

~ by doyouboo on May 15, 2011.

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